So you’re single again you probably thought this guy or girl was going to be the person you were going to spend your life with. Now it is over, everything around you seems really gloomy right now….everything seems to remind you of this person. Now that you are single, where do you begin? You cannot start dating because you’re still heartbroken or angry about the situation.
I can remember going through a bad break up, it was a long-distance relationship I really thought I was going to be this man’s wife. I had invested so much in the relationship, my mind body and soul literally. I truly believed that my situation was different, despite all the horror stories I heard about long-distance relationships. He treated me like a queen every time I flew down to visit him, he would give me his debit card to buy things I needed and just overall made sure my needs were met. I accepted this man for who he was and felt like he was a step up from the men that I had dated in the past. Things in our relationship seemed to be going well, at least that was what I thought but apparently the distance was an issue as well as our situations.
We were both struggling financially, he did not have his own place and was roommates with his cousin. He was working in a factory, and was not really happy working there. My situation was not the best situation either, my little brother and I lived together in a one bedroom apartment and I was a full-time college student at the time. One day while studying for final exams, I received a call from him. He was freaking out, I told him to calm down and explain exactly what was going on so that I would be able to help him. He then began to explain how he had just gotten home and when he turned on the lights there was no power or electricity in his apartment. So, basically, he was in complete darkness, he explained to me that his cousin was suppose to pay their electric bill for that month and apparently he didn’t. His cousin had left him and relocated to Florida and did not inform him of his plans.
Despite what had happened, he explained to me that he had been given a really great job opportunity which would be a major step up from working at the factory. But the only issue was that he had to email his resume to his friend who told him about the opportunity. The problem was that he did not have a resume and also he had no access to a computer because there was no power. I told him to contact some of his relatives that lived in the area. After calling everyone, no one was able to help him, I was his only hope I knew that this was his big break at establishing a better life. So, I stopped studying for my final exam and did his resume for him over the phone; after completing it I emailed it to his friend.
A week or two later he got an interview and got the job. I was super excited for him because he had gone through so much stress. Things started to really change for the better he was really happy and I was too. One night I told him that I wanted to talk to him, that night was a night I will never forget. The reason being is, that I poured my heart out to him and told him how much I loved him and that I wanted to be his wife someday. You won’t believe what his response was, all he had to say was, “Flo I care about you a whole whole lot” I felt really foolish because that was not the response I expected to come from someone that I had just poured my heart out to.
Soon it became clear where his mind was, it had been 2 months that we had not seen each other. I started having a feeling that he was cheating on me. Then one day he calls me and says that he wants us to have a talk, he basically tells me that we should be friends. When he said that it was like everything stopped it was like a bad dream or like the feeling you get when you receive news of the death of someone you love. I felt angry and hurt because I had been by his side when no one else was and now he was just abandoning me now that things had gotten better for him. I soon fell into a depression, I can remember not leaving my house and staying home missing classes all over this guy. I even starved myself because I thought he didn’t want to be with me because I was fat and unattractive.
It took months for me to get back to normal living, and even then I still was not over him. I was determined to get him back, so I decided to visit one of my friends who lived in the same state where he was from. She thought that I was there to visit her and have girl time, but I had other plans. I decided to contact my ex and told him that I was in town visiting my friend, and he soon asked me what part of town and I told him. He said, ” wow I work in that part of town maybe we could meet up after work” and of course I agreed. I knew that if my friend found out what I had done she was going to be very disappointed in me. But I didn’t care I was so exited because I felt it was going to be my chance to get him back. So, I broke the news to her, and it was no surprise that she was upset with me. I explained to her that I needed to just talk to him and that he needed to see the new me after the break up. I assured her that I was not going to hook up with him that night. Even though I wore the most skimpiest dress that night and had on some 6 inch heels.
Anyways, I soon received a call from that he had gotten of work and that he was close now and to come outside. So, when he finally arrived he looked excited to see me and I was excited to see him as well it was like old times. He told me that he had moved to a new place and did not live where he was living before with his cousin. His new place was really nice and it was quiet too. I walked around his apartment and went to the kitchen, and opened his fridge. I saw some fruit and yogurt and told him that I was gonna grab some. What he said next, shocked me, he told me “oh you can’t eat that stuff because it’s for my lady friend.” I said, “what lady friend? and he said “my lady friend.” I kept trying to get an explanation out of him because it was crazy how we had just broken up not to long ago and now he was all ready living with another woman.
I asked him if he had just completely forgotten about me, and he if not to prove it. He went to his room and brought the teddy bear and gifts I had given him for his birthday. I thought it was strange that he kept those things considering the fact that we were no longer together. So, we sat in the living room and watched t.v. and talked about stuff. I told him that I missed him and he told me that he missed me too. I actually believed him, I mean why else would he have kept all the stuff I gave him for his birthday. Once we exchanged those words I knew what was going to happen and I think you all know what happened. Yes, I ended up hooking up with him, but I didn’t care I was vulnerable and thought it would bring us back together again. Boy was I wrong, when I came back to Massachusetts I saw that he was in a relationship on his Facebook status. I was extremely upset, I felt used and abused, I immediately sent him a text. I told him, “so this “lady friend” was actually your girlfriend, and you hooked up with me? that is so F**ked up.” He then said, ” I already told her about what happened Flo and me and you can never hook up ever again it was a mistake.” At that point I was furious I hated him, I could not believe that I would ever hate him.
But then as time went by I realized that he was never the guy that I thought he was, he was a selfish bastard and I honestly did not want to be married to a man like that. Some months passed and I saw on Facebook that he had married that young woman. I was kind of sad, but started to put the pieces together. I realized that he was most likely seeing this woman while he was with me and he was just using the both of us but chose her because her situation was better than mine was at the time and he could exploit her more; either way I dodged a bullet, meaning that what if I actually married this guy and had a family with him and found out that he was a fraud. At the end of the day I learned that God knows best and that if you are truly meant to be with someone you will be with them. Also, eventually a person’s true character will be revealed so don’t be surprised be aware and prepared. To this day I have him as a friend on social media because I want him to see what he missed out on and to see me shining with out him.
How You Can Survive
Picking up the pieces
So, first thing’s first…break all ties. How do you do that? Start by getting rid of all things that remind you of this person. If you had a cellphone plan together or anything linking the two of you together you need to break the tie. Also, if you were close to any family members or friends limit interaction with them to avoid any conversation about that person being brought up.
Avoid Hooking Up With Your Ex
It can be hard and even tempting not to call up your ex to hook up. Don’t do it, imagine how you feel like afterwards knowing that he or she still does not want to be in a relationship with you. Hooking up is just going to set you back in the healing process. But we are all human if you do, do it and feel like crap afterwards don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Start Soul Searching
Sometimes when people are in a relationship they lose themselves…So now that you are single take this time to discover unknown things about yourself. Try new experiences…start exploring new activities, new foods, create a bucket list of these things. You could even turn to God or higher power for comfort and guidance to get you through this time. If you don’t believe in God or higher power connecting with nature and the outdoors is always a great way to clear your mind.
Switch it up
Maybe you have thought about changing up your look a bit but just did not have enough confidence to do it. Or maybe you’re thinking to yourself I’m fine with how I look now. But often when people are in a relationship they let themselves go because they figure “I’m off the market”. Either way be open to the idea of changing your look a bit, after all you are now “back on the market”.
Set Goals and Achieve Them
Set short term goals, make sure that they are goals that you can actually achieve. Set yourself up to achieve them by making sure you have everything you need to make it happen.
Exercise is a great way to release some stress and the good part about it is that you can transform your body while you’re at it.
Start Dating with an Open Mind
The thought if dating again may be scary, so go into it with an open mind have fun! Don’t date your “usual type” give someone else a chance and who knows you might hit it off!